Julia Bellerby
Counselling, Psychotherapy, Coaching and Counsellor supervision
Grad. Dip Counselling, Cert. Counsellor Supervision, Dip. Coaching
Mobile: 07939 255425  |  Email: Click here
 

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Call me on 07939 255425 or click here to contact me by email.
 

Counselling for low self confidence


Do you find it hard to say what you want? Do you find other people seem to walk all over you or feel intimidated by pushy people? Do you avoid conflict, even if you feel furious later?

Low self-confidence and self-esteem are areas that counselling can really help with. Self-confidence is how you come across to other people; self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Some people can seem confident but are very unsure of themselves underneath. Perhaps you feel very strongly that you want people to like you. There’s nothing wrong in being unselfish, polite and considerate. But you can take this too far and find yourself denying your own needs – and then resenting it.

Some people want to look at the roots of low self-confidence and self-esteem. What happened in your past, in your upbringing, that made you the person you are today? Counselling can help you unravel and understand your background. Others want to move straight to doing something about it.

I encourage my clients to look in detail at a recent incident.

For example, Martha hated having lunch with her colleagues: she could never think of anything to say and felt awkward and tongue-tied. She thought everyone was expecting her to say things that were entertaining and intelligent. She got so worried about it that her brain seemed to seize up. So instead she ate her sandwich at her desk and felt bad about herself. I encouraged her to put herself in someone else’s shoes – would she judge someone else by how witty and sparkling their conversation was? No, she said. What she’d like during a lunch-break would be someone who asked her what sort of morning she’d had, someone who seemed interested in her. Could she, Martha, do that to just one of her colleagues? And which one would it be? That seemed an altogether easier goal than having to entertain everyone. She picked out a colleague who was quieter, rather like herself. She sat next to her and asked about her morning. Showing concern for someone else was not difficult for Martha. Within a few weeks she’d stopped clamming up and was feeling much better about herself and her job.

 
Julia Bellerby - Counselling, Psychotherapy, Coaching and Counsellor Supervision in York, and worldwide by phone, skype or online

Julia Bellerby
Grad. Dip. Counselling, Cert. Counsellor Supervision, Dip. Coaching, BACP Accredited
Contact me on 07939 255425 or click here to contact me by email.